I apologize for my brief absence from the internet scene, for many of you a week without reading my material was probably a crushing blow to your pysche, but hopefully you have recovered. I realize someone of my social stature has a huge impact on many people and in the future I will try not to let petty tasks that keep me busy cause such social trauma. And for the 98.7% of people that didn't notice, more power to ya, you are stronger than the average man...and probably smarter than the average bear.
My friends and I find ourselves in quite a financial quandrum with regards to rent. Under normal circumstances this could lead to Barney ("Barney Rubble! ... TROUBLE!" - Basher, Ocean's Eleven) but luckily for my friends I am on their side in this debacle. You see, much like Sean Combs/Puff Daddy/P Diddy/Diddy, I don't write rhymes...I write checks. This near disaster will be avoided, you can bet on it.
Anyways, my last entry of basketball movie all-stars received more praise than Allah does in the Middle East, so I think I will look to continue with the theme. Here are your Offensive All-Stars from Football Movies...
(As was the same with basketball, real players playing themselves in movies are not included. This means no Gayle Sayers from Brian's Song)
Quarterback: Paul Crewe (The Longest Yard) (1974). One of the hardest positions to pick, Crewe rises to the top thanks to his leadership intangibles. Anyone can assemble a football team of prison inmates, only a Burt Reynolds character can get them to gel, believe in each other and play to their maximum potential. Most movie QB's have talent, but Crewe gets the starting nod thanks to Willie Beamen's (Any Given Sunday) ego, Shane 'Footsteps' Falco's (The Replacements) indifference and Ronnie Bass' (Remember the Titans) and Joe Kane's (The Program) inexperience.
(Just think about it, who would you want to lead your team, a spoiled ego-maniac, music video making guy...an actor that looks confused and out of place in every single movie he has ever been in, but still seems to get roles, GOOD roles too...a long haired high school pretty boy from California whose sexuality is TOTALLY up in the air...an alcoholic college kid that can play, but can also commit suicide at ANY moment and not shock anyone...or Burt Reynolds. I thought so)
Running Back: Julian Washington (Any Given Sunday). After considering several others, I realized that Washington's strength just can't be over-looked. He is massive, and can move. Think Jerome Bettis in his prime, before we weighed more than Orca and wasn't fat. I mean, how would you like to tackle this guy running at you full speed. Continuing the prison theme, Earl Wilkinson/Ray Smith (The Replacements) would come off the bench. I considered Becky O'Shea aka The Icebox (Little Giants) for the team, but apparently she grew up and is attractive, and would cause nothing but chaos in the locker-room.
Wide Receivers: Rod Tidwell (Jerry Maguire) + Air Bud (Air Bud Golden Receiver). Tidwell can be a distraction at times, but he was actually fairly productive on the field. I mean if someone as insane as Tom Cruise was able to get him a contract, he had to be a decent player. Air Bud is an obvious choice. An Antonio Gates type player, Air Bud was able to excel in both basketball and football, making him the only player to be named to both all-star teams. A run-after-the-catch specialist, Air Bud is the perfect teammate, his teams win and always and I mean ALWAYS look like they are having fun.
Tight End: Brian Murphy (The Replacements). Behind Orlando Jones in the picture, Murphy is the textbook example of overcoming adversity. Brian is deaf, playing football without being able to hear would be hard. Forget that, LIVING without being able to hear would be hard. A great work ethic, soft hands and wanting the ball when it counts most are what makes this guy the obvious choice.
Offensive Line: Jamal Jackson, Andre Jackson, and Jumbo (The Replacements) join Lewie Lastik (Remember the Titans) and Patrick "Madman" Kelly (Any Given Sunday) to form one of the largest offensive lines in the history of football. I thought the lines would be hard to fill in, but these guys all have size...and yea, size. Positions along the line are pretty irrelevant since they are all the same size, huge. To put it in perspective, they are big enough to make Anthony Anderson look small, really small...don't believe me, look at this. Tell me the guy on the right is not a guy you want protecting you.
Coming tomorrow...the Defensive All-Stars
My friends and I find ourselves in quite a financial quandrum with regards to rent. Under normal circumstances this could lead to Barney ("Barney Rubble! ... TROUBLE!" - Basher, Ocean's Eleven) but luckily for my friends I am on their side in this debacle. You see, much like Sean Combs/Puff Daddy/P Diddy/Diddy, I don't write rhymes...I write checks. This near disaster will be avoided, you can bet on it.
Anyways, my last entry of basketball movie all-stars received more praise than Allah does in the Middle East, so I think I will look to continue with the theme. Here are your Offensive All-Stars from Football Movies...
(As was the same with basketball, real players playing themselves in movies are not included. This means no Gayle Sayers from Brian's Song)
Quarterback: Paul Crewe (The Longest Yard) (1974). One of the hardest positions to pick, Crewe rises to the top thanks to his leadership intangibles. Anyone can assemble a football team of prison inmates, only a Burt Reynolds character can get them to gel, believe in each other and play to their maximum potential. Most movie QB's have talent, but Crewe gets the starting nod thanks to Willie Beamen's (Any Given Sunday) ego, Shane 'Footsteps' Falco's (The Replacements) indifference and Ronnie Bass' (Remember the Titans) and Joe Kane's (The Program) inexperience.
(Just think about it, who would you want to lead your team, a spoiled ego-maniac, music video making guy...an actor that looks confused and out of place in every single movie he has ever been in, but still seems to get roles, GOOD roles too...a long haired high school pretty boy from California whose sexuality is TOTALLY up in the air...an alcoholic college kid that can play, but can also commit suicide at ANY moment and not shock anyone...or Burt Reynolds. I thought so)
Running Back: Julian Washington (Any Given Sunday). After considering several others, I realized that Washington's strength just can't be over-looked. He is massive, and can move. Think Jerome Bettis in his prime, before we weighed more than Orca and wasn't fat. I mean, how would you like to tackle this guy running at you full speed. Continuing the prison theme, Earl Wilkinson/Ray Smith (The Replacements) would come off the bench. I considered Becky O'Shea aka The Icebox (Little Giants) for the team, but apparently she grew up and is attractive, and would cause nothing but chaos in the locker-room.
Wide Receivers: Rod Tidwell (Jerry Maguire) + Air Bud (Air Bud Golden Receiver). Tidwell can be a distraction at times, but he was actually fairly productive on the field. I mean if someone as insane as Tom Cruise was able to get him a contract, he had to be a decent player. Air Bud is an obvious choice. An Antonio Gates type player, Air Bud was able to excel in both basketball and football, making him the only player to be named to both all-star teams. A run-after-the-catch specialist, Air Bud is the perfect teammate, his teams win and always and I mean ALWAYS look like they are having fun.
Tight End: Brian Murphy (The Replacements). Behind Orlando Jones in the picture, Murphy is the textbook example of overcoming adversity. Brian is deaf, playing football without being able to hear would be hard. Forget that, LIVING without being able to hear would be hard. A great work ethic, soft hands and wanting the ball when it counts most are what makes this guy the obvious choice.
Offensive Line: Jamal Jackson, Andre Jackson, and Jumbo (The Replacements) join Lewie Lastik (Remember the Titans) and Patrick "Madman" Kelly (Any Given Sunday) to form one of the largest offensive lines in the history of football. I thought the lines would be hard to fill in, but these guys all have size...and yea, size. Positions along the line are pretty irrelevant since they are all the same size, huge. To put it in perspective, they are big enough to make Anthony Anderson look small, really small...don't believe me, look at this. Tell me the guy on the right is not a guy you want protecting you.
Coming tomorrow...the Defensive All-Stars
posted by The All-Manac at 1:12 PM
2 Comments:
I like it, but you took back what you said and went with high schoolers...under that premise Boobie Miles should be on the squad
ethan
o yeah whoever anonymous is got u on that one i am expecting a correction o yeah and now i see that anonymous was ethan so i guess it doesnt make sense to say 'whoever anonymous is' and i guess it also doesnt make sense to type all this out when i could have just changed the first sentence. go figure
kyle
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