09 August, 2006

I hate to start a column this way, but I have to make an apology to my loyal readers. I had my next series lined up perfectly when I scripted my list of Top 40 Sports Clips, numbers 40-31 even got a good response; but I, unfortunately, did not account for my own foolishness.

In this helter-skelter lifestyle I live (which bears no relation at all to Charles Manson's) I seem to have misplaced my precious list of video clips, which was the key to my next three posts. I tried for the last few days and just simply can't remember where I put the stupid thing. I attribute this lapse of memory to the sweltering heat wave that hit Metro-Detroit last week.

You see, with three straight days of my taxing outdoor job being conducted in temperatures in excess of 100 degrees, I think I temporarily lost my sanity and subsequently permanently misplaced this oh-so-important sheet of paper. I know that this is absolutely no excuse for my actions. I'll admit it, I completely melted under pressure (literally melted). On the bad side, I have to re-do my list so I can finish my countdown...on the good side, I now know what it is like to be Brad Lidge.

To make sure that everyone is up-to-date on their news here are some headlines in the Sports World:

- Earlier this week the Detroit Tigers beat Minnesota's prized rookie pitcher Francisco Liriano for the second straight time. While a lot of the national media types are giving Liriano a pass on this one, saying he was pitching injured, he gets no love here. Liriano's ERA against the Tigers this year is a whomping 7.34, while his ERA against all other teams is a cool 1.39. And he is supposed to be ahead of Justin Verlander in the awards race?

- Newly appointed color-man for ESPN's inaugural airing of Monday Night Football, Tony Kornheiser, wrote in his Washington Post column that he hasn't been preparing at all for his first game-calling gig. Tony even admits to only knowing the names of about 8 non-quarterbacks in the NFL. What his editors must have cut out was his admittance that Monday Night Football is going to totally suck now.

- USA Basketball is back. I don't know why it took so long for America to decide to, you know, assemble a team and, um, practice for International competition; but they finally got it done. I mean if we wanted to just blindly throw together a team that has a load of talent but zero percent chance of chemistry or teamwork, doesn't practice at all, and continually refers to themselves in the third person...we could have just sent the Knicks.

- Chalk up another one for the Bengals...with the recent booking of guard Eric Steinbach the Cincinnati Bengals have added to their already whopping lead in the off-season arrest category. Steinbach's boating under the influence on the Ohio River pushed the team total up to NINE arrests (in the last six months).

- Speaking of football players and run-ins with the law...Pittsburgh Steelers lineman Barrett Brooks (who probably just didn't want the Bengals to run-away with the ESPY for Most Arrests) was arrested last week for attempting to elude police on a routine traffic stop. Here's the kicker, Brooks (you know...teammate of Ben Roethlisberger, who just recently head-butted the windshield of a Lincoln at 40 MPH) was riding a motorcycle...without a helmet.

- In what is, in my estimation, totally unrelated to their two recent motorcycle experiences, the Pittsburgh Steelers have rolled out a new logo for the upcoming season...it can be seen to the right...

- I really am not trying to cast a negative light on the NFL...but this next story is just way too funny to pass up...

NBC Columbus reports that former Ohio State and Denver Bronco running back Maurice Clarett (who is scheduled to be in court Monday for aggravated robbery/assault/mugging of a guy on New Years Eve) was arrested at 3:00am Wednesday after a chase with the cops.

After being spotted driving erratically, the chase was ended when Clarett slammed his SUV into a police cruiser outside of a restaurant off I-70. When approached Clarett refused to comply with authorities and had to be Tasered and maced. Once subdued, police found Clarett to be wearing a thick bulletproof vest. Upon search of the car, police found what they described as an "arsenal of weapons" which included a loaded assault rifle and handgun, a sharpened hatchet and an open bottle of vodka.


Now, tell me part of you doesn't wish the cops hadn't stopped him, so you could know where on earth Maurice Clarett was going and just what the deuce he was planning to do. Maybe he was on his way to try-out for the Bengals and wanted to fit in with everyone else on the team.

- Word from a South Carolina newspaper says that former University of South Carolina head coach Lou Holtz was offered, and turned down, the head coaching job of the Washington Redskins after the 2001 season. After Holtz didn't work out, the job went to Steve Spurrier, who totally bombed, was fired and ironically ended up replacing Holtz at South Carolina in 2005.

Two things strike me as awkward from this story:
1) Why were the Redskins interested in a coach that had clearly lost his edge when he left Notre Dame in 1996 and had gone something like 8-413 in his seasons at South Carolina?
2) Why is the only source for the story coming from a South Carolina newspaper? Isn't this a topic the idiots on Around the Horn could yell and scream about for a week?

- Since the trade of Bobby Abreu and Cory Liddle to the Yankees, The Philadelphia Phillies have leaped past Atlanta and Florida in the AL East and now sit just 3 games back of Cincinnati for the wild-card race. Not bad for a team that was ripped for giving up on their season after said trade.

- Lastly, I went for my yearly round of golf today and have confirmed what I had long assumed to be true. While I don't consider golf a sport (it's a game, not a sport), it is probably the most mind-burdening, emotionally-taxing, life-ruining game in the world. I'm telling ya, you get lucky and hit a good drive...your feeling pretty good about yourself, because NOW you have FINALLY found your swing...then when you take your next shot, your divet of grass goes twice the distance the ball does. So if any readers out there are good at golf...hats off to you...the game has long since conquered my mind and soul...

Hope that was enough to hold you all over till the countdown rolls on...